By
Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D., Radhakanth M.D.(Psy) DPM and Jeff Boss
At first sight, the ancient virtue of humility is not a particularly appealing one. Deriving from the word humus (earth), it appears to clash with our current valuation of self-worth and self-realization. Humility is a personality trait that involves accurate self-perception, modesty of self-portrayal and valuing social good. It is the opposite of arrogance, pretentiousness, Narcissism, greed, self- centeredness. However, it is not meekness, weakness, self-effacing or submissive behaviour. It is an attitude of modesty and fairness based on realistic valuation of our self-worth.
Humility has nothing to do with meekness or weakness. And neither does it mean being self-effacing or submissive. Humility is an attitude of spiritual modesty that comes from understanding our place in the larger order of things. It entails not taking our desires, successes, or failings too seriously.
In the past decade in particular, psychologists have rediscovered the importance of humility. They have established fascinating links between humility and our ability to learn and be effective leaders, and our readiness to engage in prosocial behavior.
Adopting a more humble mindset increases our overall psychological wellbeing and ensures our social functioning. Last but not least, humility is a perfect antidote to the self-fixated spirit of our age.
Those who are humble learn faster, readily engage in pro social behaviour and in modern times make more effective leaders. It promotes psychological well-being. However, humility is not the same as sycophancy or false flattery for reaping personal gain. An external stooped posture may only indicate the ability to bend in order to distort the Truth for personal glorification. It may only be a shroud disguising high ambition. Obsequiousness is not true humility.
Nature of Humility
Accurate self understanding coupled with a generous acknowledgement of the good qualities of others without lowering our self esteem, avoiding self abnegation, guilt and self deprecation while being aware of our limited role in the larger scheme of things are all considered as aspects of humility. We need not think too highly or too lowly of ourselves or others.
According to psychologists the intrapersonal aspects of humility include a willingness to see ourselves truthfully, an accurate perception of our place in the world, an ability to acknowledge our mistakes and limitations, openness, low self-focus, and an appreciation of the value of all things. It is manifested in modesty, being empathetic, acknowledging and respecting others at a deeper level, and accurately understanding as well as owning our limitations. It bestows a caring compassionate attitude towards others, self-correction and self-improvement mindset and a willingness to listen and learn.
Advantages of humility
Since humble people are open to feedback they learn and prosper more. They experience less stress and fewer negative experiences with others. They accept their imperfections and try to overcome them instead of hiding them from others. They use humour to bring perspective. They know that life is impermanent.
The realization that we are only a cog in the larger chain enables us to contribute to team work. Instead of complaining we can develop an appreciative mindset and show gratitude to those who have helped us.
Perspective
A person nly one out of 7.8 billion people on the planet. The planet Earth itself is one amongst several in the solar system. Our sun is only one amongst the billions of stars which make up galaxies and the universe. When we realize our insignificance in the larger reality of the universe it fosters humility. It shows us how small we are.
Egoism
A hyper inflated ego with a sense of narcissistic entitlement is just as bad as a completely deflated one with loss of self esteem and a sense of worthlessness. You can’t make the ego disappear completely nor can it be blown out of proportion. It is impossible to do any act without putting in a part of our ego into it in the form of a thinking mind, a clear volition, an involvement with the process and an expectation of a certain outcome. The problem is when the expectation is far beyond the range of possibilities and probabilities. Then such expectations would crash and the ego would be crushed. Dissolving the ego completely is as imaginary as expanding it to the whole universe. Loss of ego boundaries in fact leads to psychosis. An ego that is realistic, used just as much as needed and one that is subservient to the larger cause is all that is required. A quiet ego rather than one overburdened with imagination is what is needed.
False humility
People who often use terms like “It is my humble request …” “In all humility may I…” are anything but humble. It is the demeanour and the nature of the outrageous demands that are a giveaway. These so- called humble requests are often troublesome to the person who receives them. When people in power make such so called humble requests it is an indirect threat to the other person that their life or position is in jeopardy if they do not comply. It is like a wolf in sheep’s clothing
Those who make exaggerated gestures proclaiming to the whole world how humble they are also fall into the same category. They are the ones who enjoy material wealth and pleasures, position and power while asking their followers to renounce them. They extoll sacrifice in others while actually hoarding and expanding their establishments at the expense of others. Externally they are humble but internally they are very clever and focused.
Passive aggressive
Passive aggressive personalities appear very calm, placid and passive but in reality, are aggressive in their intent which cannot be deciphered. Their passive stance fools the victim who is then backstabbed and destroyed through rumour mongering, back biting and non-cooperation at their time of need.
They are like those carnivorous plants that keep their flowers open to insects which are then encircled and enveloped by the petals with no scope for escape for the poor unsuspecting victim, once the victim has entered. These people are actually jealous and would love to humiliate you in the name of humility. They themselves have nothing significant to contribute to others but they decry yours in the name of need for humility. False humility and false passivity are something we must beware of.
Realistic Humility
Humility is about being realistic not about being timid. While we must exhibit our talents, we need not be overwhelmed by our own sense of self importance or by the over importance we attach to others. We do the best we can and then leave the rest to them. False modesty gets us nowhere. We need not decimate our self esteem in order to placate others. Whatever will happen will happen. We just need to be our normal and natural selves, free and unburdened by the expectations of servitude.
How to Practice Humility
We need to begin by developing an accurate understanding of our strengths and weaknesses.
Then we must own our imperfections. When we do, we no longer have to waste our energy hiding them from others, but can instead seek to learn to live with them productively or even to overcome them.
Paradoxically, a stubbornly low opinion of ourselves is also in contradiction to a humble view of ourselves. Extremely low self-esteem, just as a narcissistic overvaluation of our talents, lacks accuracy. It is just an inverted form of self-obsession, another way of fixating on ourselves rather than directing our attention toward others.
Although we are the subject in our world, we must remember that we are an object in everybody else’s. We are not the center of the universe. This includes adjusting our perspective. Our woes and desires become ever more insignificant the more we step back from them and consider the bigger picture. Our time on this planet is limited. Our works and achievements are transient.
We are all parts of structures that are larger than ourselves – couples, families, communities, nations, the organizations for which we work, the human species. We should never forget the many teams of which we are a part – small and large. Sometimes, it is apt to privilege the needs of our teams over our individual desires.
We must stay curious and open to learning. We can learn from anyone and everything at all times. We can learn from friends and family, our children, and people who master specific skills.
We have much to learn from other cultures and our ancestors. We can learn precious lessons from animals and even plants.
Humor is a powerful tool. We can all benefit from laughing more about ourselves and our imperfections.
Techniques for Humble Leadership and Workplace
Jim Collins, in Good to Great (2001), has demonstrated that the most outstanding leaders are also the most humble. The best leaders combine professional will with personal humility. They are often “self-effacing, quiet, reserved, even shy” – always privileging the institutions they serve over their egos (Collins, 2001, p. 12).
These leaders believe in human development. They do not crave credit, nor do they constantly need to show how great they are or undermine others to feel powerful. They are instead relentlessly trying to improve and learn from their failures. By modeling humility, they create a humble working culture in their organizations.
Bradley Owens says that humble leaders are essentially self-transcendent. Humble leaders “have successfully tempered or tamed the ego and embraced a leadership perspective that seeks to elevate everyone” (Aten, 2019). They are teachable, eager to learn, willing to see themselves accurately, and able to praise those around them. They foster in their workforce hope, efficacy, resilience, and optimism (Owens, Yam, Bednar, Mao, & Hart, 2019).
Humble leaders, moreover “are more likely to see failure as just a part of the developmental process. Since humble leaders don’t try to keep up appearances or power postures, it is less distressing and thus easier to recover when things don’t go well” (Aten, 2019).
13 Habits Of Humble People
Humble people can receive a bad rap. Humility is frequently associated with being too passive, submissive or insecure, but this couldn’t be any further from the truth.
Instead, humble people are quite the opposite—confident and competent in themselves so much that, as a result, they seek to self-actualize by helping theirs. Humble people are still self-efficacious; they just don’t feel the impetus to boast about themselves but instead, let their actions speak for their ideals. To be humble is not to think less of oneself, but to think of oneself less.
To help identify what humble looks like (and how you can adopt greater humility for yourself. After all, who doesn’t need greater humility?), here are 13 habits of humble people:
They’re Situationally Aware
Situational awareness is a function of emotional intelligence as it is being aware of oneself, the group, the actions of each and the social dynamics therein. As such, situationally aware people aim their focus outward as they try to absorb (i.e. learn) more about the situation
They Retain Relationships
Studies have shown that humble people are more likely to help friends than their prideful counterparts. As a result, they maintain stronger personal and professional relationships. A study of more than 1,000 people—with roughly 200 in leadership positions—revealed that companies with humble people in leadership positions had a more engaged workforce and less employee turnover.
They Make Difficult Decisions With Ease
Since humble people put others’ needs before their own, when faced with difficult decisions they respect the moral and ethical boundaries that govern the decision and base their decision-making criteria off a sense of shared purpose rather than self-interest.
They Put Others First
Humble people know their self-worth. As a result, they don’t feel the need to cast themselves before others just to show them how much they know. Instead, humble people realize that nobody cares how much they know until those people know how much they’re cared for.
Humility is the true key to success. Successful people lose their way at times. They often embrace and overindulge from the fruits of success. Humility halts this arrogance and self-indulging trap. Humble people share the credit and wealth, remaining focused and hungry to continue the journey of success.
– Rick Pitino (source)
They Listen
There’s nothing more annoying that being in a conversation with somebody who you can just tell is dying to get his or her words in. When you see their mental gears spinning, it’s a sign they’re not listening but rather waiting to speak. Why? Because they believe that what they have to say is more valuable than listening to you. In other words, they’re placing their self-interest first.
Humble people, however, actively listen to others before summarizing the conversation. Moreover, humble people don’t try to dominate a conversation or talk over people. They’re eager to understand others because they’re curious. Speaking of which…
They’re Curious
Humble people seek knowledge because they are perpetual learners and realize that they don’t have all the answers. They glean knowledge from the experiences of others and crave more opportunities to learn.
They Speak Their Minds
While active listening is certainly important, humble people aren’t afraid to speak their minds because being wrong is not a fear they have. They know that to bridge the gap between unwillingness and willingness there must be action; they summon the courage to face difficulty as they graciously accept to sacrifice themselves.
They Take Time To Say “Thank You”
At a business dinner, for example, no matter whether you’re engaged in a heated conversation with others or not, humble people take the time to express thanks to the service for tending to the little things.
They Have An Abundance Mentality
Humble people don’t believe that one person’s “win” necessarily mean another person’s “loss.” Instead, they know there’s plenty of opportunity to go around and that finding it just necessitates collaboration and communication.
They Start Sentences With “You” Rather Than “I”
Humble people put others at the forefront of their thoughts. Humble people brag about others, while the prideful people brag about themselves.
They Accept Feedback
Humble people are not only receptive to constructive criticism but actively seek it because they know that feedback is a pathway to improvement.
They Assume Responsibility
Rather than eschewing blame on “the system” or the behaviors of others, humble people assume responsibility by speaking up and owning their part.
They Ask For Help
Part of being humble means realizing that you don’t have all the answers. No one does. Humble people acknowledge what they do and do not know and enlist help for the latter.
Humility displays a willingness to learn and become better–two things that everybody should cultivate. How is humility viewed in your organization?
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