Dealing With Tall Poppy Syndrome: Your Perception Is Your Reality

There are two types of people in this world: those who view the glass as half-full, and those who see the glass as half-empty. This phenomenon is called perception, and our perceptions profoundly impact how we experience life. “Perception molds, shapes, and influences our experience of our personal reality,” says Linda Humphreys, PhD, a psychologist and life, relationship, and spirituality coach. “Perception is merely a lens or mindset from which we view people, events, and things.” In other words, we believe what we perceive to be accurate, and we create our own realities based on those perceptions. And although our perceptions feel very real, that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily factual. In this article, we shall look at The pros and cons of negative perception, how to switch to a more positive perception of life, and six ways to deal with the tall poppy syndrome, so no one can intimidate you.

By

Jessica Estrada

Dr. Humphreys says that our past experiences greatly influence how we decode things. Certain people, things, and situations can trigger you to interpret things through a positive or negative lens based on those past experiences.

If you’re the type that leans more toward the glass-half-empty perspective, don’t worry. Although it does require some work, your perception is something you can change because we choose how we see things. That power is in your hands (er, mind).

The pros and cons of negative perception

Your perceptions influence all areas of life. “The totality of your perceptions— regarding yourself, your life, life in general, others, and so on—creates and impacts your personal reality and ultimately your experience of life,” Dr. Humphreys. “Specifically, your perceptions affect the quality of your experience of life.” So, if you perceive things in a positive light, you’ll experience a happier existence.

Perception informs your relationships, too. “If you constantly perceive people (your boss, teacher, parent, sibling) as always being against you, you will most likely react in a defensive, combative, negatively reactive, and victim-like way,” Dr. Humphreys says. “This way of perceiving people can lead to experiencing intense levels of unhappiness, and both inner-personal and outer disturbances.” On the flip side, perceiving people through a positive lens leads to experiencing higher levels of joy and inner peace.

Furthermore, Kevin Gilliland, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist, mental health expert, and executive director of Innovation 360 says, misperceiving certain situations, likely because of previous negative experiences you’ve endured, can also cause you to miss out on some fantastic things life has to offer, such as promotions at work or romantic relationships.

Fear also influences the way we view things, but that’s not always a bad thing. “If our perception is based on fear, then we may end up avoiding things that we misperceive as dangerous when in fact, they aren’t,” Dr. Gilliland says. “At the same time, our perception of a situation may keep us safe from harm.” To distinguish between the two, question how accurate your perceptions are or are not.

How to switch to a more positive perception of life

1. Take personal responsibility

Changing your perceptions requires that you, first and foremost, take responsibility for your past unconscious reactions, Dr. Humphreys says. It’s only then that you can begin to see people, events, things, and even yourself from a more neutral or positive perspective.

2. Have compassion for yourself and others

Shifting the way you view the world is no easy feat, so it’s essential to be patient and gentle with yourself. “Have compassion for yourself as you work [on] taking proactive steps towards perceiving your reality in a more conscious and empowered way,” Dr. Humphreys says.

She also notes that the changes you make in your perception may even ruffle other people’s feathers, so express compassion for them, too. Your growth may be a catalyst for their growth as well.

3. Have a willingness to see things differently

Change of any kind, Dr. Humphreys says, requires willingness. Often people say they want to change, but they aren’t actually prepared to make said changes. So having a desire to see things differently is a vital component. This readiness, Dr. Gilliland adds, creates room for us to learn and create new perceptions.

4. Activate your pause button when triggered

Whenever you feel triggered by someone, something, or some situation, Dr. Humphreys suggests “hitting pause” and taking a moment to breathe and ground yourself into the present moment so you can choose how you will respond from a more empowered place.

And if a few deep breaths aren’t enough to help you shift, don’t be afraid to give yourself a grown-up time out. Dr. Humphreys recommends letting other people know that you need some time to process things, and you will address the issue at a later time.

5. Enlist support

We’re so accustomed to perceiving things a certain way that sometimes it’s difficult to see our blindspots and where perhaps we’re not looking at things in the most favorable light.

That’s why Dr. Gilliland suggests running your perceptions past someone else. Whether it’s a trusted friend or family member or a professional such as a psychologist, talk to someone who can help you see things from a different perspective that you might not have thought of before. “It’s the only way we improve our perceptions and reduce the number of mistakes we make,” he says.

6. Look for patterns

“We all have patterns,” says Dr. Gilliland of the way we perceive things. To spot those patterns, he recommends asking yourself if other independent, objective people would look at the same situation and come to the same assessment as you have.

This practice will cause you to think more critically and less emotionally, and open you up to notice things that you may have initially missed because you were caught up in your pattern.

When someone achieves something great, like gets a promotion at work, totally nails a presentation, or finishes a personal project, that good news is sometimes met with judgment, criticism, or backlash. Colleagues, friends, and, in some cases, even complete strangers, may come out of the woodwork and try to discredit these positive gains. As a result, the achiever may experience what Australians have coined as tall poppy syndrome, a term that comes from the way poppies grow: When one becomes taller and stands out from the rest, it gets cut down so all are on the same level.

While to the person afflicted, the experience can feel like a personal attack, in reality the issue at play is one of projection: That’s because it’s not about the achiever at all, but rather those who are around to witness the achiever accessing high levels of success. For some, this situation can trigger feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, fear, jealousy, and anger that lead to a desire to cut others down. “Their negative feelings are projected and thrust outward to their perceived object of discomfort: the tall poppy,” says Linda Humphreys, PhD, a psychologist and life, relationship, and spirituality coach.

“Their negative feelings are projected and thrust outward to their perceived object of discomfort: the tall poppy.” —psychologist Linda Humphreys, PhD

Still, knowing that it’s not you, personally, who is the issue doesn’t necessarily make dealing with people’s unkind comments or behaviors any easier. So below, Dr. Humphreys and Julie Parker, a certified life coach, and CEO and founder of the Beautiful You Coaching Academy, share their top six pieces of advice for how to handle a bout of tall poppy syndrome.

6 ways to deal with the tall poppy syndrome, so no one dims your light.

1. Practice compassion toward others

Because tall poppy syndrome comes about as a result of the people who are trying to dim your light, Dr. Humphreys says it’s important to cultivate and practice compassion toward others. “It comes from a place of deep hurt, pain, neglect, unworthiness, and suffering,” she says. “They are not happy within themselves or comfortable in their own skin. Allow them to be themselves as they are today, and strive to love them, no matter what.”

2. Remove yourself from harm

“Remember: Being compassionate does not mean availing yourself to being someone’s punching bag,” Dr. Humphreys says. That’s why, if you’re in this type of situation, she advises removing yourself from it and ending contact with the person or people.

3. Do what makes you happy—no matter what

Don’t let the naysayers stop you from going after your dreams and desires. You can decide to not let them bring you down. “Do the thing you want to do, and then no matter what happens from there, you can be proud you followed through on your big calling,” Parker says.

4. Gather a support squad

To keep your spirits high when others are trying to tear you down, ensconce yourself in a group of people who are distinctly different from who you are. “Surround yourself with amazing people who love, support, and honor you for who you are—well beyond your achievements or what you do,” Parker says. “They can make all the difference at times when others are being unkind.”

5. Don’t waste energy fighting back

Your energy is a finite resource, and when it comes to haters, critics, and toxic people, most of the time, it’s just not worth your time and efforts to fight back, argue, or try to defend yourself. “Your time is better spent just getting on with the business of being you and creating your great work in the world,” Parker says.

6. Remember, it’s out of your control

The way others react or perceive you and your accomplishments is beyond your control. Your only job, Parker says, is to do what lights you up and share it with the world, regardless of what others may think or how it makes them feel.

And, even if you were to give in by dimming your light to avoid outshining others, doing so won’t necessarily protect you from critics, either. “We can hide, and people may still criticize us for doing so,” Parker says. “There is always the potential that critics will criticize; however, there is the same potential that people will love, support, and cheer us on.”

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