Reciprocity in Human Relationships

In a relationship, the ideal answer to “what is reciprocity?” is: reciprocity means the act of balancing giving and receiving. One of the reasons why reciprocity is established in a relationship is to create a healthy relationship that is mutually beneficial to both parties. However, it is the sole reserve of both romantic partners to create their reciprocity model tailored to their relationship. In a relationship where love is reciprocated, each partner experiences physical and emotional safety with each other. Also, both parties will be ready to develop themselves in all ramifications for the relationship to be beneficial. Overall, both parties will strive hard to preserve the relationship’s health, thereby fulfilling the true purpose of reciprocity. Reciprocity is not something that can be exact, of course, because what one person can do, another person cannot. Reciprocity and cooperation are so valuable precisely because we do have various strengths and weaknesses.

in Psychology, Reciprocity is a universally accepted social rule. Reciprocity is ‘the practice of exchanging things for mutual benefit’. It involves treating others the way that they treat us. We use it continually within our social lives without even thinking, so how is reciprocity of benefit in business?

Reciprocity is an important part of the persuasion and influencing process in our business lives. It has to be used with care because there is a fine line between reciprocal behaviour and ingratiating behaviour. Sometimes ingratiation can be used to ‘prime’ individuals and make them more amenable to being influenced. It is potentially dangerous as it can be seen as ‘under-hand’ behaviour. Reciprocity uses the similar principle of giving to get and again there is a potential problem that our ‘giving’ may be seen as strategic and can produce compliance when influencing rather than commitment.

Reciprocity when used in an honest, meaningful way with integrity can be incredibly powerful. At OnTrack one of our core values that underpins how we work is our commitment to doing the best for the client, helping the client make the right solutions and ensuring that we deliver the solution that will really add value. We have found that reciprocity when used to help us do this can be incredibly valuable. However, it is important that our mind set is not about ‘giving to get’ but more about adding tangible value to our client.
An additional benefit of reciprocity is that it makes you feel good – how did you feel when you last gave someone your unexpired parking ticket or a still valid travel card for the tube? Being on the receiving end of reciprocity is also a great feeling – I still remember the man in Hong Kong who gave me money to put into a machine for a train ticket when I only had a credit card….and that was over 10 years ago. Consider how we will tend to give a waiter or waitress a bigger tip if they smile at us and clearly demonstrate warmth and interest.

Consider how we can build and strengthen relationships with our clients by applying unselfish reciprocity in our dealings with them. Offering to do a coaching session for no fee, giving them a book which you feel has value for them, inviting them to an event which would be of interest – these are all examples of how we can apply reciprocity in our business lives. This is not about being uncommercial but more about being interested and caring for our clients.

The big difference between reciprocity in business and in our social lives is that in a social setting those on the receiving end of reciprocal behaviour or actions will usually reward with behaviour or actions of an equal ‘value’……in a business environment the rewards may be far greater in that for those simple acts of kindness, our prize will be a client who regards us not just as a vendor but as a trusted advisor who is not a cost but an asset.

Most of us do not consciously think about reciprocity in our intimate relationships. When we do, we might say, “Of course it is important.” Like the Golden Rule, we recognize it as a valuable principle to live by.

Reciprocity is not something that can be exact, of course, because what one person can do, another person cannot. Reciprocity and cooperation are so valuable precisely because we do have various strengths and weaknesses.

Understanding Reciprocity

Although people have long-recognized the importance of reciprocity, Marsha Linehan explained its value in intimate relationships in her dialectical behavioral therapy theory. Her work continues to be appreciated, taught, and used in many therapeutic settings with both women and men. Reciprocity is also mentioned as an important relationship characteristic in the Trauma Recovery and Empowerment Model, developed by a group of women led by Maxine Harris, PhD. This model is often used to help women who have been abused.

Reciprocity will be difficult or impossible to develop and maintain if one partner in the relationship believes that they are and must be superior or in control. Likewise, a person who is highly competitive may have difficulty understanding and learning how to create reciprocity in an intimate relationship. Reciprocal relationships require a spirit of cooperation, as well as an understanding of and ability to embrace interdependence. To cultivate a lasting, committed relationship, both partners must have and be able to continue to nurture feelings of love for each other.

Reciprocity is developed and woven into good enough relationships, sometimes without participants knowing that is what they are doing. With awareness, it can become a robust, healthy feature of the relationship. Reciprocity requires people to be invested in their relationship. If a relationship is important enough to them, partners will be emotionally invested in it enough to work at building and maintaining it. Commitment is sustained through the improvement of reward-cost balance in relationships. The most useful investments are those that tap into what the partner has contributed emotionally. Passion is a vital condition in healthy relationships. Reciprocated love is related to feeling fulfilled. Reciprocated love and emotional contribution are behavioral investments that sustain a committed relationship.

BUILDING RECIPROCITY

To create a reciprocal relationship, both partners need to be able to accept responsibility for that creation. The interdependence of a healthy relationship requires that both people accept personal responsibility. One partner cannot take all the blame while the other partner gives all the blame. Acceptance of responsibility for the creation of a reciprocal relationship takes a high degree of emotional maturity, which takes awareness, time, and personal work to develop. This can be the most rewarding work a person will do in his or her lifetime. It is the work of maturation.

When two people decide to develop a healthy, interdependent, reciprocal relationship, it is wise for them to take the time to talk about their personal value system and what characteristics they believe create a healthy relationship. For instance, some people value affection as an important condition for a healthy relationship, while others do not. In such a situation, reciprocity will be difficult. Respect is another value that needs to be discussed. Asking one another to define “respect” is an excellent place to start the discussion.

Respect must be reciprocal, and each person needs to be able to articulate when he or she he feels disrespected. Examples of areas that involve respect include philosophy, profession, principles, intelligence, creativity, parenting, and personal growth processes. Reciprocal respect will be difficult or impossible if one partner does not respect the other partner’s beliefs in those subjects. People need to be honest with themselves first so that they can then be honest with their partner. If there is a lack of respect, love cannot continue to grow and the relationship will be difficult, if not impossible.

A basic building block of intimate relationships concerns how people define reciprocity about the exchange of goods and labor. It is prudent to have discussions about those issues, before committing. Reciprocity in other areas of the relationship, such as emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy also needs to be discussed. Negotiating reciprocity is a skill that people can build with one another. Negative reciprocity often occurs when a behavior has had a negative effect on one person and he or she reciprocates with a behavior that has an equally negative effect. People react to each other without thinking. Partners need to discuss this sort of exchange and learn how to respond to it thoughtfully in order to prevent it from spiraling out of control. If partners have built an emotionally healthy relationship, they can work it out by themselves. Sometimes it is helpful to work with a couples counselor.

RECIPROCITY IN GROWING RELATIONSHIPS

For intimate relationships to grow and become healthy, lasting, and committed, reciprocity is vital. This type of reciprocity differs from the reciprocity that occurs in other types of relationships. Couples getting ready to commit to a relationship should engage in deep, intimate discussions with each other about how they define love and how they plan to develop reciprocity with each other and keep it growing.

Knowing that change is a consistent process in life will help people recognize the value of preparing the soil for a relationship from the beginning. The thrill of the adrenaline rush that comes from attraction is never enough. That ends—often quickly. It is easy to delude ourselves into believing that a partner can and will be able to build the kind of loving, committed relationship that most of us want. Talking openly, honestly, and deeply with our partners can help us make a better decision about whether or not we are genuinely capable of building a healthy reciprocal relationship.

What are the types of reciprocity?

The norm of reciprocity explains that if someone does something worthwhile for you, it is normal to feel obligated to pay them in their coin.

Generally, there are three types of reciprocity, namely: Generalized reciprocity, Balanced reciprocity, and Negative reciprocity.

These types of reciprocity were outlined by an anthropologist in 1965 named Marshall Sahlins. He observed that these types of reciprocity occurred in all human societies around the globe.

1. Generalized reciprocity

Generalized reciprocity is an exchange involving no value calculation or instant repayment. Usually, you will find this form of reciprocal relationship among family, friends, and close acquaintances. In a generalized reciprocal relationship, no form of favor is expected even though you know they will return the goodwill.

Also, someone who caters to the homeless is said to exhibit generalized reciprocity. The reason is, they are aware that they cannot be repaid both in cash and kind. However, they are doing it because it is their little contribution to making the world a better place. The satisfaction that comes with this is enough repayment for them.

2. Balanced reciprocity

Balanced reciprocity is a form of social reciprocity that involves the value calculation of services or goodwill within a fixed time frame. One of the relatable forms of balanced reciprocity in society is gift-giving. 

When you gift someone, you expect them to return the favor either at that time or in the future. This is what social psychologists refer to as the Law of reciprocity. When paraphrased, the law states that when a good gesture is made to you, there is a psychological urge to repay the favor.

For example, if you gift your husband a birthday present, there is a big chance that you will get yours when it’s your birthday. This is what a balanced reciprocal relationship means.

3. Negative reciprocity

Negative reciprocity is a situation where one party acts in their interest because of profits or other material benefits. It is correct to state that negative reciprocity is the exact opposite of generalized reciprocity.

It is the selfish attempt to get everything and giving either little or nothing in return. For instance, a student who helps his professor with tasks outside academic activities so that they can access test questions is displaying a negative reciprocal relationship.

Why is reciprocity important?

When it comes to reciprocity, one thing that first comes to mind is a romantic relationship. However, it is vital to mention that reciprocity comes to play in our interaction with other people. Hence, you and everyone around you can gain from reciprocity.

Reciprocity helps you to be more sensitive and less selfish. You will understand people from their point of view, instead of always thinking about yourself. Reciprocity is a two-way street, and it is best functional when both parties are willing to give their all, not minding what they stand to gain or lose.