Yesterday I had a flat tyre. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. All I had to do was call Roadside Assistance, have the nice man change it for the spare, and then take my car to the tyre place to have the other nice man repair the puncture for me.
But in that moment, it felt impossible. I was in the midst of “overwhelm”: when everything in my life just felt too much. I was emerging from a period of personal and professional stress, and my ability to keep up the juggling act was severely diminished.
And, really, life is a juggling act for all of us, all of the time. Modern living is incredibly complex. You need to open your mail, pay your bills, keep your house tidy and your clothes laundered, ensure the internet is working and your car is serviced, shop for groceries, sort your inbox, feed your family, deal with your loved ones’ emotional needs, manage your kids’ education and social lives, exercise, do your taxes, deal with your health issues, read the news… And this is before you can even think about doing your actual paid work.
No wonder a blown tyre can throw everything out.
There are times when the juggle seems manageable (though rarely effortless). But when you’re suffering from overwhelm – when your ability to cope is impaired because of stress or anxiety or ill health or exhaustion – it can feel almost unbearable. Last week I felt as though I was perched on top of a teetering tower of bricks, and that being given one more task, being asked one more question, having one more tiny setback, would throw me entirely off balance and send me crashing to the ground.
When overwhelm hits, the best solution is to get back to basics. You need to simplify your life, at least for the time it takes to get through the overwhelm and feel in control again. You may long to just check out (when my tyre blew I wanted to sit on the floor and cry) but you have to keep going, because allowing unfinished business to pile up around you will simply make the overwhelm worse. The key is to create an environment where productivity is possible, where you can get through your tasks without feeling like they’ll crush you under their weight.
I recently read a story in which a woman carried her dead son to Prince Siddhartha and asked the prince to revive him. The prince told the mother to go to each house in the village and obtain a mustard seed from each family that had never known suffering. On her return with the mustard seeds he would consider her request. The distraught woman began knocking on each door in search of the family that had never known suffering but could not find one.
In our contemporary society, we are told that if only we have the latest gadget, dress in the latest fashion, or stay current with the latest news, then we will know happiness and no longer suffer. If the latest gadgets, fashions, or news don’t alleviate our suffering or bring us happiness, there are pills and beverages (some legal, some not) that we can take to bring us happiness and eliminate our suffering. What modern society fails to accept is that suffering is the part of life that makes us more fully human.
Six Reasons Why Suffering Is Normal
Do you ever feel as if your life is about suffering? Do you ever feel that you suffer needlessly?
Here are six reasons why suffering is a normal part of life:
- Suffering makes us human. Suffering and adversity has existed as long as human beings have. When we suffer we are connected to the common fate of the people who came before us and the people who will come after us.
- Suffering is only as bad as we make it. If we believe we are entitled to a life of comfort, then a life that consists of suffering is simply unfair, and who likes an unfair world? But if we believe that life is about growth and that growth entails a degree testosterone enanthate and male health of pain and suffering, then there is nothing unfair about it.
- Suffering gives us a greater appreciation of the moments of comfort. If life were comfortable 24/7, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the moments of comfort. There would be nothing to compare comfort to. This is analogous to a marathon runner. If there were no suffering in running a marathon there would be no comfort, and certainly no sense of accomplishment, in crossing the finish line. Mountain climbers voluntarily endure excruciating suffering, often for weeks on end, in their attempt to reach the summit. They risk their lives, endure high altitude sickness, bottomless crevasses and glaciers, mountain storms, snow blindness, and sudden storms all to experience the several moments of magnificent comfort and satisfaction the mountain summit has to offer.
- Suffering can include the most profound happiness within it. We often think of suffering and happiness as exclusive. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Often the greatest happiness is found within suffering precisely because it is painful. Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and Sitting Bull, to name but a few, endured great suffering at the hands of others. It is implausible to think that they did not experience happiness (and even delight) within the suffering they experienced knowing that they were achieving greatness and actualizing their potential (and the potential of their people) through the hardships they suffered.
- Suffering is not an indictment of our self-worth. In Western culture, there is a deeply rooted belief that any type of suffering, whether it be financial, physical, emotional, familial, etc., is the result of being “unworthy.” If we believe this to be true, then our legitimate suffering is compounded with needless suffering. Success and comfort are like wheels. Those who are on top will one day be at the bottom and those who are on the bottom will one day be on the top. Bear in mind that our suffering in no way reflects who we are as people. Oftentimes, worthy and decent people suffer while cruel and indecent people experience seeming comfort.
- Suffering is a normal part of parenting, marriage, working, and every other worthwhile endeavor. If we are in a constant state of suffering and anguish then something is most likely not as it optimally should be. However, periodic suffering in all areas of life is normal. Every good marriage has periods of discord and uncertainty. Every healthy parent/child relationship goes through phases of disrespect and resentment with our children or parents not doing what we think they ought to be doing and us not doing what they think we ought to be doing. Jobs, homes, neighborhoods, and communities enter and leave our lives based on need, interest, and a variety of other factors, which are often based on suffering.Lobsters are soft animals with hard shells that do not grow. When lobsters outgrow their shells they climb into a rock cleft. They face the uncertainty of being swallowed up by another animal or of being swept away by the current. Yet imagine if lobsters stifled their discomfort rather than using it as a catalyst for growth: they would be a miniature species. We can emulate lobsters by accepting suffering as a sign that its time for growth and renewal. The bottom line is that periodic suffering is part of every aspect of our lives and it need not be “bad.” Suffering is what it is and what we make of it. Not pleasant, but generally not unbearable or unacceptable.
Some tips for managing overwhelm:
- Start living in Day Tight Compartments*. Focus only on what needs to be done today.
- Write a comprehensive To Do list, and then assign tasks to different days. If it can be put off till tomorrow or next week, schedule it for tomorrow or next week. If you get through all of today’s tasks with time to spare, tackle some of tomorrow’s tasks, or rest.
- Stop multitasking. Get through one chore at a time.
- If outside noise is affecting your concentration, try a white noise app. I often use Sound Sleeper while I’m working; the thunderstorm and fireplace tracks are particularly soothing.
- Say no. This is your time to scale back. Refuse invitations, requests for favours, and extra projects until you are back on track.
- Schedule breaks and rewards for each few tasks you get through. A cup of coffee after you’ve opened the mail. A browse through Facebook after you’ve made that phone call.
- Clear out your inbox and tidy your desk. A cluttered inbox and messy desk can exacerbate feelings of overwhelm. Taking the time to sort your messages and work space can do wonders to help calm your mind and make you feel more in control.
- Exercise. Add it to your To Do list and make it happen, whether it’s a session at the gym or a walk around the block. Exercise is the best way to physically alleviate the symptoms of stress. You will absolutely feel better afterwards.
- Breathe. Try the 478 breathing technique for effective stress-relief.
- Stay in the moment. Focus on your breathing for a few minutes a couple of times a day, or download the Headspace app for some simple guided and non-guided meditations.
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